Monday, September 22, 2008


I got a lot of poems I'd like to share or better yet free from me. All written within the last two years. Some of which I'd love to put to music someday...with the right collaborator.


When I was with you. I needed someone like him. Now that I am with him....I’m missing you. This ain’t no R and B. No grass is green. This is something new. All new-to me. See, when I met you I was still regenerating. I was vulnerable. Not so naive, just very cautious and protective of my inner ear. I didn’t want to be led...astray. But I new you wouldn’t. You were so strong, so caring , always encouraging. So honest and open about yourself. You carried a sort of confidence that bordered on arrogance yet you melted in my arms. I melted in yours eventually....all too late. I was always amazed at how beautiful our bodies must look when we made love. I used to imagine us being photographed from above. But didn’t want to admit that we were making love. “Just fuckin” I used to say. This was my self dilapidating way of saying there is so much more to give and be gotten...and I didn’t know how. Which way/what to do. I was learning to re-trust myself...

Love 2

never get others involved in your personal heart throbs. for no one else can steer your boat. you and only you alone can treat yourself to the good life. don’t expect much or your horse will ride off on it’s own...and you’ll be left to contemplate your lone. alone or just feeling so. trust in your heart. beat. listen closely to the words it speaks. feel them. stick a wet finger out for the wind.

Long Haul/Heavy Hearts

Ever since that breakfast you made, you’ve been on my mind though so much has changed. I keep looking back in hopes of finding understanding. But for some reason, I just can’t stop moving and what I see gets blurred. I got myself to face you a few times and each of those moments had me suspended in time. Held up in whirl wind of emotions rarely felt. Those of which I wasn’t equipped to be deal with. Yet I my heart I wanted to so to you, make you my family. But you were too strong, too strong and much too heavy to hold.

This Part

If I make it thru this part. There’s going to be another part. If I can make it thru this part. I should be ready for the next part. Made more steady by this part. I’ll be able to face the next part. Way more stronger by this part. Way more calmer, by this part. Cause this part is the big part. A really, real, thrill part. All about me part. No one to share my pain part. No one to blame part. The give it up to God part. An ending of one part. Step into the new part. Become someone new part.


It's been a minute since I last made a post (3 whole days). Today I got some audio for you ( I actually tried to post the first one on Friday but had some apparent technical difficulties). They are mixes full of fresh hip-hop tunes your probably never heard of, some soundtracks, some jazz...some new wave, some soul and so on. All good music. I hope you enjoy!
Click the play button to hear the ones shown or click on visit this podcast to check out all three.

Friday, September 19, 2008


the sicness

i gotta get a grip. i cannot escape this. i’m not just having this experience. i’m living it. why am i here? there must be a reason. i’m not ashamed. nor am i to blame. if i love too much. if i can’t control my behavior. if i bring myself down. i’ve read the books and in between the lines, yet i’ve yet to define. is that really up to me. now they call me mommy. i get that one. cannot deny. cannot turn away. cannot escape. this title i embrace. i’m scared to death, though.

self appreciation

i keep asking questions. all these questions. i can’t seem to move without doing so. i don’t get very far, though. or so it seems. i feel like the majority of my life’s been spent walking treadmills. at least in comparison to the mundane observer. yet i’ve been abroad many times. i embarrass myself to myself for not fitting in. for being too deep. i’m very critical, not only of you. my treatment of you is directly related to my personal view. don’t just stand there...move something! i mean really. life is no dress rehearsal. you can’t stand in the wings forever waiting for your cue. or can you. there are few true, forevers.

another canvas

another blank canvas. or is it one already completed and discarded, found and ready for re-use. oh the possibilities. should i follow some of the lines that show through my gesso? maybe they aren’t thick enough. maybe my new strokes can over power. it’s my will i suppose. wether or not i start fresh and how much effort i put in.
new cards have been dealt. my hand, my play. my gamble. what’s my wager? am i in over my head? can i afford to lose?
as long as i’m alive these thoughts will probably plague me. but there’s always a “canvas” to be found.

step off!

Trying to hold me down, as I was just getting my footing
Attempting to keep me down, just as I was adjusting
to a new environment, a brand new climate
But I won’t let you get a grip. I’m greased up enough to slip
Your smile is bright and wide. But your teeth are sharp and your eyes don’t lie
Determined to feign concern
Workin my last nerve
But I’m experienced with those like yourself
Snooping around my domain
Wantin’to banana my wealth

crying time

i am allowed to cry
though i do feel guilty
feeling all this pain from, regret
i am allowed to cry
some say it’s important to do so
it’s a cleansing
boy, could i use some of that
i’m so far removed right now
it’s a shame
but i’m reaching
i have nothing left to do
hit’it or quite’it
but i can’t quite
no, that would be selfish
i have nothing to loose
and all to gain
so why not allow the tears to wash it away
a trinkle, a drizzle, a stream, a shower
i need that release so i can move on
i feel so clogged
so absorbed
i need to be ringed out


Above images I took one journey ago. It was during a very memorable time when I was as free as a bird. The place was Yosemite National Park. My first trip there. I've never really been one for photo takin, except that short stint in 9th or 10th grade. But He was. My accompanist was a used-to-be, very close friend and lover. All of it now, though...only a memory...or so it seams.

side bar: the one directly above is Him trying to capture a butterfly...


Obama didn’t want Hillary to be his VP because then he’d have to deal with Bill all the time...coming over to his office...sitting on his desk, lookin around talkin about, “This used to be my office”, “Those used to be my pins”, "That’s my cum stain”


OK, OK now this is all new for me folks. Me bloggin on the web. I write all the time so I figured I'd just go ahead and do they say. Well what can you expect to see in my Upchuck/Upstart blog? Well my goal is to use this public forum to "upchuck" or let go from my holdings, all that which I find amusing, pretty fresh, and or just want to share from whatever my senses "see". I chose that term like the rap term spit...IE-let it rip, because I wanted to convey a sense of urgency in freeing up expression. The "upstart" part is self explanatory I think.
It will be my very own open and sometimes very personal, journal/ art and inspirations book/ great ideas log. I intend to get as free as I can get myself to be in this so expect the unexpected....