I don't feel like I can keep this on my blog very long, even though few people know about it and even less actually come thru. I'm not authorized to use the music I worked with in this piece. It's from Christian Prommer's Drumlesson.
Since I mentioned it in my paper, I felt I should put it out there for you to take a listen if you'd like. Plus it gives me the opportunity to share a bit more of myself. Check it out on my podcast. I'll keep it posted throughout the weekend. I call it Street/Stage.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Suppliment to "self" assignment
Hi classmates and whoever else happens upon my humble little blob...opps I meant blog. The newest piece on my podcast to your right is called It's Like. It was written by me several years ago while I was going through some serious life changes/ mind rearranges. I'm sure you'll hear that when you listen. It's short but straight to the point ...and sweet. Enjoy!
Monday, November 3, 2008
This is the CD cover for a project I did a while back in New York. My first piece of recorded music! A prime example of something seeming easier then it truly is.
I had been doing open mic poetry for a little while previous and had an on and off time at that. The feeling I got was of either flying or dying. And as humans (I suppose) we have a fascination for both so I kept at it and eventually decided I wanted to try singing as apposed to just "talking". This particular project came to me through a craigslist ad I either answered or placed. These two guys Scott and DJ Monchan (myspace.com/skyscraperwebcom) were putting together an EP and needed some vocals for a tract they already had. It wasn't what I was looking for, which was more of a live musician collab, but I opted for it anyway for the experience. Can I tell you it hurt. It hurt to hear myself sing in front of them over this piece of music that I couldn't dance with...if you get me. Also It hurt to suscept myself to the openness one needs to find in order to sing period. I wasn't portraying myself as a professional by no means. I knew this was something I had to work out on my own, though I was working with someone else, but I found this quite embarrassing. I felt shame not in my vocal skills but in my lack of confidence and seemingly inability to control my emotions during the whole thing. If I was of a paler hue I would have been beet red throughout most of the experience. I wanted so much to dive into the music and just swim in it, like I do at home, without a care in the world. But I couldn't. Now I blame this partially on the fact that it was prerecorded music because I had a few experiences live musicians and was able to let go quite easily and flow with it. Though at home I have lots of fun flowing, freely over tunes I hear on the "radio"....hum.
Anyway the tune is called inner dealing and it was taken from a poem I wrote after going through some other growing pains. The song and the LP (which was later produced) is available on iTunes but you can listen to it free on my podcast.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Hi people! I just posted another work-in-progress to my player. It's called Clair. Well sorta. That's the name of the track I used. I also call it no return, at least the name of my poem I put to it. It's an homage to love lost, realized, and forward movement...or something like that. Have a listen why don't you:)
No Return
I must have wondered. too far. away. I must have taken a wrong turn. along the way. I keep looking back for you. but you. have faded. away. you were so close. so close, so close. just the other day.
I was scared. yet I thought I was being brave. In my gut. In my gut. the feelings the same. like Love and hate. the emotional weight. I’m learning to see. What is meant to be.
But my heart doesn’t lie. It tells me time after time. It reminds me of you.
Am I wrong for feeling my truth.
I thought I was strong. Strong enough to leave you. But I can’t leave you alone. I don’t want to.
I said I was confused. Didn’t know what to do. Now every things thicker. I’m feeling sicker, still thinking of you.
But I got to be strong. I’ve. got to feel whole, so I. can be all I can be...for the the One who truly needs me.
It’s my life...and I have to live it. there is no way. that I can revisit. my past is my past and. you I passed. on my way. to this day. This day. This day
This day of no return
No Return
I must have wondered. too far. away. I must have taken a wrong turn. along the way. I keep looking back for you. but you. have faded. away. you were so close. so close, so close. just the other day.
I was scared. yet I thought I was being brave. In my gut. In my gut. the feelings the same. like Love and hate. the emotional weight. I’m learning to see. What is meant to be.
But my heart doesn’t lie. It tells me time after time. It reminds me of you.
Am I wrong for feeling my truth.
I thought I was strong. Strong enough to leave you. But I can’t leave you alone. I don’t want to.
I said I was confused. Didn’t know what to do. Now every things thicker. I’m feeling sicker, still thinking of you.
But I got to be strong. I’ve. got to feel whole, so I. can be all I can be...for the the One who truly needs me.
It’s my life...and I have to live it. there is no way. that I can revisit. my past is my past and. you I passed. on my way. to this day. This day. This day
This day of no return
Monday, September 22, 2008
POEMSn'TINGS
I got a lot of poems I'd like to share or better yet free from me. All written within the last two years. Some of which I'd love to put to music someday...with the right collaborator.
LetHer
When I was with you. I needed someone like him. Now that I am with him....I’m missing you. This ain’t no R and B. No grass is green. This is something new. All new-to me. See, when I met you I was still regenerating. I was vulnerable. Not so naive, just very cautious and protective of my inner ear. I didn’t want to be led...astray. But I new you wouldn’t. You were so strong, so caring , always encouraging. So honest and open about yourself. You carried a sort of confidence that bordered on arrogance yet you melted in my arms. I melted in yours eventually....all too late. I was always amazed at how beautiful our bodies must look when we made love. I used to imagine us being photographed from above. But didn’t want to admit that we were making love. “Just fuckin” I used to say. This was my self dilapidating way of saying there is so much more to give and be gotten...and I didn’t know how. Which way/what to do. I was learning to re-trust myself...
Love 2
never get others involved in your personal heart throbs. for no one else can steer your boat. you and only you alone can treat yourself to the good life. don’t expect much or your horse will ride off on it’s own...and you’ll be left to contemplate your lone. alone or just feeling so. trust in your heart. beat. listen closely to the words it speaks. feel them. stick a wet finger out for the wind.
Long Haul/Heavy Hearts
Ever since that breakfast you made, you’ve been on my mind though so much has changed. I keep looking back in hopes of finding understanding. But for some reason, I just can’t stop moving and what I see gets blurred. I got myself to face you a few times and each of those moments had me suspended in time. Held up in whirl wind of emotions rarely felt. Those of which I wasn’t equipped to be deal with. Yet I tried...in my heart I wanted to so badly...run to you, make you my family. But you were too strong, too strong and much too heavy to hold.
This Part
If I make it thru this part. There’s going to be another part. If I can make it thru this part. I should be ready for the next part. Made more steady by this part. I’ll be able to face the next part. Way more stronger by this part. Way more calmer, by this part. Cause this part is the big part. A really, real, thrill part. All about me part. No one to share my pain part. No one to blame part. The give it up to God part. An ending of one part. Step into the new part. Become someone new part.
LetHer
When I was with you. I needed someone like him. Now that I am with him....I’m missing you. This ain’t no R and B. No grass is green. This is something new. All new-to me. See, when I met you I was still regenerating. I was vulnerable. Not so naive, just very cautious and protective of my inner ear. I didn’t want to be led...astray. But I new you wouldn’t. You were so strong, so caring , always encouraging. So honest and open about yourself. You carried a sort of confidence that bordered on arrogance yet you melted in my arms. I melted in yours eventually....all too late. I was always amazed at how beautiful our bodies must look when we made love. I used to imagine us being photographed from above. But didn’t want to admit that we were making love. “Just fuckin” I used to say. This was my self dilapidating way of saying there is so much more to give and be gotten...and I didn’t know how. Which way/what to do. I was learning to re-trust myself...
Love 2
never get others involved in your personal heart throbs. for no one else can steer your boat. you and only you alone can treat yourself to the good life. don’t expect much or your horse will ride off on it’s own...and you’ll be left to contemplate your lone. alone or just feeling so. trust in your heart. beat. listen closely to the words it speaks. feel them. stick a wet finger out for the wind.
Long Haul/Heavy Hearts
Ever since that breakfast you made, you’ve been on my mind though so much has changed. I keep looking back in hopes of finding understanding. But for some reason, I just can’t stop moving and what I see gets blurred. I got myself to face you a few times and each of those moments had me suspended in time. Held up in whirl wind of emotions rarely felt. Those of which I wasn’t equipped to be deal with. Yet I tried...in my heart I wanted to so badly...run to you, make you my family. But you were too strong, too strong and much too heavy to hold.
This Part
If I make it thru this part. There’s going to be another part. If I can make it thru this part. I should be ready for the next part. Made more steady by this part. I’ll be able to face the next part. Way more stronger by this part. Way more calmer, by this part. Cause this part is the big part. A really, real, thrill part. All about me part. No one to share my pain part. No one to blame part. The give it up to God part. An ending of one part. Step into the new part. Become someone new part.
PODCAST
It's been a minute since I last made a post (3 whole days). Today I got some audio for you ( I actually tried to post the first one on Friday but had some apparent technical difficulties). They are mixes full of fresh hip-hop tunes your probably never heard of, some soundtracks, some jazz...some new wave, some soul and so on. All good music. I hope you enjoy!
Click the play button to hear the ones shown or click on visit this podcast to check out all three.
Click the play button to hear the ones shown or click on visit this podcast to check out all three.
Friday, September 19, 2008
POEMSn'TINGS
the sicness
i gotta get a grip. i cannot escape this. i’m not just having this experience. i’m living it. why am i here? there must be a reason. i’m not ashamed. nor am i to blame. if i love too much. if i can’t control my behavior. if i bring myself down. i’ve read the books and in between the lines, yet i’ve yet to define. is that really up to me. now they call me mommy. i get that one. cannot deny. cannot turn away. cannot escape. this title i embrace. i’m scared to death, though.
self appreciation
i keep asking questions. all these questions. i can’t seem to move without doing so. i don’t get very far, though. or so it seems. i feel like the majority of my life’s been spent walking treadmills. at least in comparison to the mundane observer. yet i’ve been abroad many times. i embarrass myself to myself for not fitting in. for being too deep. i’m very critical, not only of you. my treatment of you is directly related to my personal view. don’t just stand there...move something! i mean really. life is no dress rehearsal. you can’t stand in the wings forever waiting for your cue. or can you. there are few true, forevers.
another canvas
another blank canvas. or is it one already completed and discarded, found and ready for re-use. oh the possibilities. should i follow some of the lines that show through my gesso? maybe they aren’t thick enough. maybe my new strokes can over power. it’s my will i suppose. wether or not i start fresh and how much effort i put in.
new cards have been dealt. my hand, my play. my gamble. what’s my wager? am i in over my head? can i afford to lose?
as long as i’m alive these thoughts will probably plague me. but there’s always a “canvas” to be found.
step off!
Trying to hold me down, as I was just getting my footing
Attempting to keep me down, just as I was adjusting
to a new environment, a brand new climate
But I won’t let you get a grip. I’m greased up enough to slip
Your smile is bright and wide. But your teeth are sharp and your eyes don’t lie
Determined to feign concern
Workin my last nerve
But I’m experienced with those like yourself
Snooping around my domain
Wantin’to banana my wealth
crying time
i am allowed to cry
though i do feel guilty
feeling all this pain from, regret
i am allowed to cry
some say it’s important to do so
it’s a cleansing
boy, could i use some of that
cleansing
i’m so far removed right now
it’s a shame
but i’m reaching
i have nothing left to do
hit’it or quite’it
but i can’t quite
no, that would be selfish
i have nothing to loose
and all to gain
so why not allow the tears to wash it away
a trinkle, a drizzle, a stream, a shower
i need that release so i can move on
i feel so clogged
so absorbed
i need to be ringed out
drained
i gotta get a grip. i cannot escape this. i’m not just having this experience. i’m living it. why am i here? there must be a reason. i’m not ashamed. nor am i to blame. if i love too much. if i can’t control my behavior. if i bring myself down. i’ve read the books and in between the lines, yet i’ve yet to define. is that really up to me. now they call me mommy. i get that one. cannot deny. cannot turn away. cannot escape. this title i embrace. i’m scared to death, though.
self appreciation
i keep asking questions. all these questions. i can’t seem to move without doing so. i don’t get very far, though. or so it seems. i feel like the majority of my life’s been spent walking treadmills. at least in comparison to the mundane observer. yet i’ve been abroad many times. i embarrass myself to myself for not fitting in. for being too deep. i’m very critical, not only of you. my treatment of you is directly related to my personal view. don’t just stand there...move something! i mean really. life is no dress rehearsal. you can’t stand in the wings forever waiting for your cue. or can you. there are few true, forevers.
another canvas
another blank canvas. or is it one already completed and discarded, found and ready for re-use. oh the possibilities. should i follow some of the lines that show through my gesso? maybe they aren’t thick enough. maybe my new strokes can over power. it’s my will i suppose. wether or not i start fresh and how much effort i put in.
new cards have been dealt. my hand, my play. my gamble. what’s my wager? am i in over my head? can i afford to lose?
as long as i’m alive these thoughts will probably plague me. but there’s always a “canvas” to be found.
step off!
Trying to hold me down, as I was just getting my footing
Attempting to keep me down, just as I was adjusting
to a new environment, a brand new climate
But I won’t let you get a grip. I’m greased up enough to slip
Your smile is bright and wide. But your teeth are sharp and your eyes don’t lie
Determined to feign concern
Workin my last nerve
But I’m experienced with those like yourself
Snooping around my domain
Wantin’to banana my wealth
crying time
i am allowed to cry
though i do feel guilty
feeling all this pain from, regret
i am allowed to cry
some say it’s important to do so
it’s a cleansing
boy, could i use some of that
cleansing
i’m so far removed right now
it’s a shame
but i’m reaching
i have nothing left to do
hit’it or quite’it
but i can’t quite
no, that would be selfish
i have nothing to loose
and all to gain
so why not allow the tears to wash it away
a trinkle, a drizzle, a stream, a shower
i need that release so i can move on
i feel so clogged
so absorbed
i need to be ringed out
drained
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